Do you have healthy boundaries at work?
Do you have healthy boundaries at work?
Or do you find yourself saying yes when you don’t mean it (raises hand sheepishly)?
Fact is, knowing, setting and communicating your boundaries at work is essential to our emotional health and wellbeing.
They help us avoid situations we’re uncomfortable with, environments that aren’t right and tasks outside our responsibilities.
For many of us, though, announcing our boundaries - and sticking to them - isn’t that straightforward. That’s because doing so often involves saying the dreaded ‘no’ word, having difficult conversations and possibly even entering into conflict - none of which we tend to enjoy.
Suze Shardlow is a multi-award-winning community manager, coder, tech writer and event MC - and understands how important boundaries are to workplace wellness. Having largely worked in male-dominated industries, she knows exactly what boundaries are, why they’re not all the same and how to communicate them in the workplace.
What is a boundary?
Suze defines a boundary as ‘a line that marks the limit of an area’. In other words, a rule you set to protect various aspects of your life.
Whether physical, intellectual, emotional or time boundaries, they are all based on the same thing: relationships.
By that we mean your boundaries are defined by how you decide to interact with those around you.
Boundaries aren’t all the same
Broadly speaking, there are 3 types of boundaries:
- Healthy boundaries
- Leaky boundaries
- Rigid boundaries.
Depending on the situation, person and context you’re dealing with, one brand of boundary will often dominate. But, as complex humans, we’re usually a mix of all three.
Healthy boundaries
Everyone, regardless of their position, seniority or industry, should strive for healthy boundaries. That’s because they strike the right balance between supporting others - without risking your own time or wellbeing.
Someone with healthy boundaries is:
- An assertive communicator
- Able to say no
- Supportive, but not overly involved
- Carefully trusting
- Selective about who they let in
- Comfortable with conflict.
Think of a healthy boundary as a fence: low enough to see over, but high enough to offer safely. Flexible, yes, but not solid like a wall. And, crucially, with a gate that allows you to let people in and out.
Leaky boundaries
If you’ve ever said no to someone or something, but then embarked on an explanation bigger than Ben Hur, you probably have leaky boundaries (at least some of the time, anyway).
Not only is the word ‘no’ perfectly acceptable in the workplace, it’s also a complete sentence. You don’t need to back it up with complicated reasons or justifications - it just is.
People with leaky boundaries tend to be:
- Passive communicators
- Unable to say no
- Too involved in other peoples’ issues
- Too trusting, too soon
- Conflict avoiders.
Don’t fall into the trap of thinking clearly defined, healthy boundaries will make you less likeable.
They won’t.
In fact, they’ll earn you more respect because people around you will actually value your time, effort and contribution.
Rigid boundaries
All this approach says is that you’re so used to saying no, you barely know what yes means.
For some organisations, the shift to remote working has left them feeling somewhat distanced from their employees - and perhaps lacking a certain level of control. Immovable boundaries, however, don't actually communicate what’s expected and accepted in the workplace.
That’s because people with rigid boundaries are generally:
- Aggressive communicators
- Unable to say yes
- Distant from other peoples’ issues
- Untrusting
- Conflict avoiders.
Yes, boundaries should be firm and clear - but they also need room for movement.
Making your boundaries known
The ability to stand by your boundaries comes down to 3 steps:
- Defining your boundaries
- Communicating your boundaries
- Knowing the consequences of someone crossing your boundaries.
Defining your boundaries
The first step with workplace boundaries is to know what they are.
Perhaps you won’t discuss your personal life at work or only check your emails during certain hours. Whatever the case, you need to clearly define those boundaries before you can expect anyone to respect and uphold them.
Remember: knowing something just doesn’t feel right is enough to make it a boundary. You aren’t responsible for making people feel comfortable; it is up to you, however, to be the best version of yourself.
Boundaries will help you get there.
Communicating your boundaries
Secondly, you’ll have to tell people about your boundaries.
Keep it simple, be upfront - and call someone out when they cross that line.
For example, if you’re reluctant to bring your personal life into the workplace, then say that. Don’t over complicate or over explain your stance - just state the facts: ‘I don’t talk about my personal life at work because I like to keep things separate.’
(The ‘because’ is important as, like it or not, you’ll need to persuade some people this is simply the way you feel).
Being clear on consequences
Lastly, be frank about what will happen if someone keeps overstepping your boundaries.
It’s far less confronting to just give in - but that only sets the precedent that your boundary can be crossed.
Take the above example about not mixing work with pleasure. If a colleague continues pressuring or questioning you about it, your best course of action may be to stop discussing anything non-work related with them.
While that sounds an extreme reaction, remember your personal life has no bearing on your ability to perform your job. Nor does it have to impact how you interact and work with those around you.
Establishing boundaries means defending them, too.
Boundaries bring out your best
Boundaries are unique to you. Once you can define, embody and communicate them, you’ll bring your A game into the workplace.
Because when you uphold boundaries, your self-esteem, confidence and emotional wellbeing improve - and that means you’re truly showing up as you. Not perfect, but knowing who you are, where you stand and what you value.